Derrick Cruz's Journal

11:28pm: some girls are bigger than others
This damn city, fuck. I'd love to blame it on the city. The truth is that if it wasnt for New York I'd still be comfortable in my infancy. Growing pains suck. Eating mashed peas with bananas forever sucks more.

I've found some real people. I've found some real friends. This is just starting to get interesting.

11:36am: How lose friends and alienate people OR How i learned to love the bomb.
Advice:
Don't use people you love as a stage for your personal drama.

12:13pm: sugar water
More rain. its going to rain on my parade, the Puerto Rico day parade. Sux. So, since I've got this cold I supposed ill miss it. Fux. ill do laundry.

Anyhow. I went out last night against my best interest. My plan was to go see the amazingly-digitally-remastered-new-scenes-added Superman at the sunshine. well, i stopped by Riffifi, saw the illustrious ones Jen and John, and I was stuck. Gladly stuck that is. Sat for hours, met some new folks new to the city, gave whatever bit of advice I thought note worthy, winked at a few cute girls and made my way home. I didnt really wink, more like a smile. Didnt want to see this movie alone. I like seeing movies alone, but not this one.

Spoke with Jill for the most part of the night. Incredible how, given the right amount of patience and persistent interest one can discover fascinating qualities about people. I dont know if she had been smoking something, had too much to drink or if it was just her physical personality, but all i thought at first was "Woa, doppey!". But I stuck it out, this amongst a crowd of Princeton Seniors. Somehow her seeming, shall we say, "ethereal" persona (nice for airheadish) just created a very comfortable and welcoming scenario. You know, the kind where your guard is down, you dont feel threatened, and are free to speak your mind without the fear of being judged. The main topic of the night was passion and how that is should be the basis for any personal undertaking. It was simple, but honest and refreshing.

Before long my voice was gone so I started communicating with my sketchpad. Everyone was writing notes back and forth and drawing little quirky illustrations about their thoughts on it. Then it was just Jill and conversing with me. We started taking turns drawing each other from across the table. What a fucking great exercise! To be aware that every little feature on your face is being paid attention to and scrutinized for reproduction, and that done willingly! Fun. Particularly when someone is drawing your eyes and you are looking straight at them. Ha, ha!

Well, so I walked Jill to the F on 8th ave, got on the L, saw Kevin and Maya at the Dekalb stop, got home, coughed some more, and fell quickly asleep.

12:30pm: Happy Dindi
It's so peculiar how people living together can develop a kind of synchoronicity. A perfect mood timing of sorts. Case in point; My roommate is in love, so he bought Bossa Nova for lovers. He dances and prances around the house to it. In the mean time, I've been all frazzled for various and sundry reasons. But the Bossa came to the rescue. I grew up listening to bossa nova and trio music. Oh the calming effect it has on me. Like i told my friend Niabi recently, "bossa nova dresses nice and wants to dress you nice. It invites you to your own home and offers you your favorite drink. It causes you to measure the placement of household items with a wink and a half smile. Like moving that salt shaker just a half inch to the right to a beat of the music."

So I lay on my golden couch, starring out to the sky with bossa and tea in hand, contemplating how swell life is.

9:26am: It rains from me. If only this were a methaphor.
My nose has a crazy drip. The cough is bronchial now. And for some reason i keep seeing a picture of Milli Vanilli out of the right hand corner of my eye. Its gotta be that crazy mix of cold medicines. The knee is improving. Its just an ache now, unless i walk too much on it.

i just want to buy more cds.

So, Im staying home because Im sick. The problem is that every time i do this i find that i cant rest. I just try to do everything that i havent had a chance to take care up to now. Here is the list in my head right now:

1. ill do my laundry
2. ill do a comp of that trade web project
3. ill update that crazy supafreak.com site that i hate so much
4. ill call my client in NC and tell him ill do that brochure
5. ill start working on my personal site
6. ill start painting
7. ill write a letter to grandma
8. ill make a budget
9. ill cancel my NY Sports Club membership
10. ill start that community art project with the local school ive been thinking about.
11. ill go see the Digitally Remastered Superman at the sunshine...
12. ill actually put food in my fridge, to go with my condiments.

....i should stop.

7:17pm: 3rd should be the Charm *or* The Politics of Dancing
So this is what sickness and bad weather is supposed to do to you? I've been limping around the city for almost a month now due my Scooter Rally dancing injury at TisWas - injured meniscus on the left knee. Now I have an unrelenting cold. I feel my body changing when im so sedentary. I feel my mind fixating on all that I've spent so much time meticulously covering up. Like a great pile of sawdust, ready to either burst in ball of flames or swallow up a needle.....

10:13am: When rain tells all and the sun is just a cover up
I think I'm closer to the truth today
I'm speaking pure cliches in simple honesty.

I'm distancing myself from Her to get me closer
to those illusive forms i hope will paint my resolve.

It's as some kind of a sweet involuntary rhythmic convulsion.
I long, then grasp, I give, I love, receive, and soon recoil.

12:26pm: im the last of the almost famous
I declare this Wednesday 28th of May, year of our Lord 2003, the first annual "Design BadAss!" Day!!!!

4:46pm: steno
something about that dark green carpet tile and the way my coffee gives off steam.